Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We talked him into tasing himself.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
