i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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