She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
