??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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