if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
