So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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