she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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