just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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