I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
