I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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