it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
