no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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