I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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