just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
