I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
ugly people sure do ruin things
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
