He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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