He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
