i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
