Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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