brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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