i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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