Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
not ubering you a puppy