I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
