I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
