Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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