When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
