So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
