I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
