if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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