yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
