Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
