Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize