i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
