Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
