I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So much rum. So many feels.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
