Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
