her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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