ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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