he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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