Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
