They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
