I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
