The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
