so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
