Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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