Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich