dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in