He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?