He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.