I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.