I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit