So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
