I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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