the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
