Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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