You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
