No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
