I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
