my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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