i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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