I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
