I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Shame is for Republicans.
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