the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
