and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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