that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
