Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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