we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
