what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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