So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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