Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
