Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
