Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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