He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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