what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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