chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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